I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
