So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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