it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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