how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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