Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
