Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
