Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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