There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize