I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
