turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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