I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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