Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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