I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
