I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
