I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
