WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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