I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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