My underwear smells like fireworks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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