More tranny stories later!
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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