If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
