So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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