At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
