he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize