Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
