no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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