You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize