Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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