I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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