he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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