I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
pop tarts are not kleenex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
