awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
