i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
