she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
