Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
