Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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