Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
