I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
