You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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