How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
