Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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