Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
