So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
