I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
home. puking in laundry basket.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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