he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
