Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
