I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
