I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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