The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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