Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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