you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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