I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize