I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
