the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
