Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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