there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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