he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
