every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
