Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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