First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
