i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize