my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
