if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
