I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
