I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
