My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
