True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
