I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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