I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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