One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
