His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You need a sexual gate keeper
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
