do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
