I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
