oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
