i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well you can't waste a boner
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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