i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
