Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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