i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this is an emotional support booty call
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
