So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
