Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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