so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
