What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
