Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
