im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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