A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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