I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
