you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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