If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
