her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
