me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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