8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
