well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This toilet bowl is my home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
