I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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