just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
