I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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