I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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