im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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