i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
