just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
whose parrot is this?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
