Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
