Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
