I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
