So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
