So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
